It’s been a while, friends.
Where have I been you may ask? No, I didn’t have another mental breakdown. It’s kind of the opposite, actually.
I’ve been… good.
I say this with hesitation because I haven’t always been good. I’ve pretty much always been kind of bad. Yes, I’m still anxious and I still struggle with depressive and manic episodes, but I’m handling it pretty well.
I’m currently a full-time student studying psychology, and I work a lot less than I have before. When I had my last mental breakdown and went on stress leave, I ended up going down to “relief” which means, I come in when I’m needed/when I’m free. When June hit, I was enrolled in school and I started feeling pretty optimistic about my life again, so I went back up to part time (20 hours a week). It was great to have a schedule again, but it was only a term position.
October came around and my term position was up. My boss offered me a permanent position and I said yes. Then, almost immediately after sending an email to the higher ups expressing my interest in the position, I said no. I emailed said higher up again and withdrew my application.
My boyfriend was nervous because money is always an issue, but I told him to trust me. School needed to be my priority right now. So, I threw myself into school (which I’m doing online) and went back to only working when I can.
Mentally, I’m doing great. Since the new year, I’ve made tons of new years resolutions all surrounding self improvement, I’m doing well in my courses, I’m eating well, waking up before noon, and I can honestly say I’m happy. My anxiety still flares up, mostly before a shift. I still have days when I wake up and don’t want to get out of bed, but I’ve been getting out of bed anyway. For the first time in a long time, I can say I’ve been good. And for that I’m so grateful.
I’m hoping to come back to my blog now that I’ve found my groove of work and school and finding time for me. I have plenty of ideas for blog posts and I’m so excited to get back to what I love, sharing my life online in hopes that I can help or inspire someone out there.
Talk soon, I promise.