Life has been… A lot lately.
I haven’t written anything on this blog in what feels like
forever, and I hate that, because this blog makes me so, so happy.
I have been in a great headspace for a while, but stress and overwhelm has creeped its way back to me yet again. I am moving at the end of this month, I am still in school, and my boyfriend is quitting his job at the end of the month to do a social work practicum. I feel like everything is happening at once and it is a lot to say the least. But I am coping.
I am very grateful to have a strong support system right now, because with work, school, packing up the last 4 years, and Danny getting ready to leave his job, I don’t even have time to vent. I am lucky enough to have family and friends to check up on me because when it’s day 5 without a shower, I’m trying to write an essay and pack up my wine glasses at the same time, and Danny is writing practicum applications, I forget to let people know I’m alright.
I’m holding on, even if it’s by a thread.
In all seriousness, I don’t remember the last time I felt depressed. Maybe if it’s because I’m literally too stressed to be depressed, but even if that’s the case, I’M ROLLING WITH IT. Because I do not have time for tears right now.
Even right this minute, I’m putting off school to write this blog post. And I was putting off cleaning the kitchen cupboards to do school, and before that, I was putting off washing the baseboards in the bathroom to clean the kitchen cupboards.
I’m in a constant cycle of what I should be doing, vs. what I am doing. It’s crazy, and it’s hectic, and it’s chaotic, but I’m happy.
I’m happy that I’m leaving my ugly, tiny, dingy basement
apartment to rent my sister in law’s 4 bedroom house. I’m happy that I’m going
to have a backyard and a firepit. I’m happy that I’m going to have a whole
other floor level to escape from my responsibilities too.
I’m happy that I’m in school, and I’m not failing, and I’m achieving my goals (albeit very slowly). I’m happy that Danny is back in school and achieving his goals. I’m happy that in the next 5 years, we should be seeing some real money and we shouldn’t always be living paycheck to paycheck.
I’m happy that it’s chaotic and I’m still happy despite the chaos, because it means I’m improving.
And Improvement is always the goal, isn’t it? My biggest fear is sitting still, not making any improvement, not making any changes. Moving from a basement apartment to a house = improvement.
Danny landing an amazing practicum, that may result in landing a better job= improvement.
Me, not breaking down surrounded by boxes and instead making
to-do lists and checking things off= HUGE improvement.
So, maybe me not writing on this blog as much is a blessing in disguise. Maybe I’m doing better. Maybe I’m doing well. If I don’t have anything to write about, it’s probably a good sign that I’m in a good headspace.
Now if only I could think of some topics that don’t surround anxiety and depression.
Anyway, until next time
Take care of yourself.