I’ve been a chubby kid forever. I mean, I remember my doctor telling me at like eight years old that I was growing like a weed and he didn’t mean height…
He was great. Fun at parties I bet.
I first went on a diet in high school. When I first lost some weight I felt high almost, like it was the best feeling ever. But then it kind of got out of hand. I talked about my struggles with binge eating in this blog post, so I won’t talk too much about it here. I never lost a lot of weight, but I would get wrapped up in this cycle of losing a moderate amount of weight fast, and then falling off the wagon and binge eating until I gained it all back. My weight did and still does fluctuate a lot.
I started hating the image in the mirror and telling myself I would be liked more if I was thin, or I could actually land myself a boyfriend if I just lost 20 pounds.
In grade 12 I bought a beautiful dress for my prom. I mean, it was gorgeous. It was a perfect fit too! I took it to a seamstress to get it hemmed and when I went for my “final fitting” a week before prom, the zipper wouldn’t close…
Oh yes. Can you imagine the immense anxiety I felt on that beautiful day in June.
Cue the hungriest week of my life. I lived on diet coke and chicken for the week before prom and lost over 10 pounds to fit into that dress.
Since then I’ve pretty much always been trying to lose weight or worrying about how much weight I’ve gained.
I gained 40 pounds in the last three years (falling in love and getting comfortable is probably the best reason to gain weight) and have managed to lose half of that. I’ve learned some things that help me to keep a positive mindset while losing weight and I hope that they help you too.
If you have been diagnosed with an eating disorder, consult a professional before attempting to lose weight. These are tips, not medical advice.
– Food is nourishment
It is easy, for me at least, to slip into the cycle of telling myself that food is to be avoided. To just drink a diet coke instead of making a meal that will fuel me. Repeating the words “food is nourishment” to myself can remind me that food is not the enemy.
– Follow a diet that works for me, and is easy to maintain
I have tried just about every diet out there; vegetarian, vegan, CICO, clean eating, atkins, etc. Keto is what I currently follow, and it works for me. Mainly because it curbs cravings, clears the mental fog, and I find that I focus more on how I feel as opposed to how I look.
– Remember that If you eat a lot of food and the scale says you’ve gained weight, it is not fat.
Oh boy do I struggle with this. I weigh myself every day. I don’t necessarily recommend this, and if I was smart I’d probably throw the scale out, but that’s a different story. When I’m feeling low because I’ve gained a couple pounds I tell myself that I ate a lot of GOOD food and it gave me energy and my stomach is full and I am happy. I haven’t suddenly gained 2 pounds of fat in 12 hours.
– Limit cheat days
If you can successfully have a cheat day each week and feel great about it, do it up. But I can’t. If I cheat on my diet I will feel like a failure and more importantly, if I come out of ketosis, I feel like I’m hungover the next morning. It’s just not a good time and limiting my cheat days helps a ton.
-Remember to be kind to yourself
there are days when I wake up and think “what’s the point, I’m always going to be fat”. On those days, I try to remember that I am lucky. I am in love, and happy, and healthy even if I don’t always look like it. I am beautiful even if I don’t always feel like it. And I am valid at any stage in my weight loss journey.
There were times when I felt great at a heavier weight, and worse at a lower weight. It’s odd how addictive it is and how many women (and men) think it’s the one thing that could change them from unattractive to attractive. But if there is one thing that I want anyone to take away from this is that you are valid. You are valid at your heaviest, you are valid at your lightest, and you are beautiful.