Imagine a particularly anxious night. You can’t get those ruminating thoughts out of your head and the only thing you feel like will help is a nice stiff drink. That is my jam. Clearly this isn’t a good way to deal with my anxiety but it’s no secret that I’m a walking disaster so that’s that on that. ANYWAY, it isn’t good for me physically, but more importantly mentally, and I realized I needed to call it quits.
About a week ago I decided to go sober for AT LEAST March. I
am 9 days sober today and I feel great for the most part.
I figured there are probably other sober-curious individuals out there, so I made a blog post on Monday talking about my past experiences with alcohol and a couple tips for going about this whole sober-curious thing, but I never talked about how I’ve been feeling this last week.
So, here are some things I’ve experiences in my first week sober.
Firstly, my anxiety is starting to regulate. I’m feeling everything now, and that both sucks and rocks, but I can start to feel a shift in the ways my anxiety hits and how often I feel anxious. When I was drinking several times a week and blacking out every weekend, I would wake up feeling oddly scared for no apparent reason. That has definitely gotten better. I don’t want to sit here and say “not drinking cured my anxiety” because 1) it’s only been a week and 2) I don’t believe just not drinking is going to cure my anxiety… I don’t think anything is going to make it go away completely, but I’m learning to manage it and this is helping.
My sleep cycle is regulating itself. I have terrible
insomnia. I typically wake up every couple hours, look at the clock, and toss
and turn before falling asleep after about 15 minutes. After drinking, however,
it’s on a whole other level. Not only do I wake up hourly, but at the ass crack
of dawn I’m awake and cannot for the life of me get back to sleep. Not to
mention the impending doom of the hangover.
Since I haven’t been drinking, this is a thing of the past. I still toss and turn (although, even that has improved), and when I wake up in the morning I feel rested and ready to start my day. Bonus: my head doesn’t hurt.
Saturday & Sunday mornings are beautiful. Seriously. Waking up slow and cuddling with your partner then having coffee and reading a book? Yes please, I’d take that over waking up hungover and popping a cocktail of anti nausea meds and ibuprofen before crawling back into bed trying not to pay attention to the spinning room. And there’s something about getting ready and leaving the house before 4:00 pm and not being car sick on the way to your destination that is just *chef’s kiss* great.
Cravings. Okay, time to get real. I had cravings. Friday rolled around, and I thought, “I don’t even have a problem. I’m just gonna call it” Then I reminded myself that if I am asking myself if I have a problem, I probably do to some extent, and I bought myself a book instead of a bottle of whiskey. It didn’t get rid of the cravings completely, because I definitely still wanted a drink, but it made me rethink why I’m doing this. I ignored my cravings as best as I could and grabbed a fresca from the fridge.
Boredom. This week wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. I found myself getting bored very easily this weekend. I needed to actively find things to do to replace the time I would normally be drunk. Danny and I chose to eat. And we ate a lot. This is something I need to work on in the weeks to come.
As you can see, the goods have been outweighing the bads. I
feel SO much better since starting this journey and I am so glad I have a
partner who is willing to do this with me. Today, Danny said “It’s a good thing
we don’t drink anymore because I’d eat all of this (supper I made) and then
feel sick all night”
I know its stupid and small, but it feels nice to know he is not only on board with this but finding the good in it as well.
I challenge anyone out there who is feeling like they may have a problem or like their negative behavior is becoming excessive to put your will power to the test and try to give it up, even just temporarily.
But more importantly,
Take care of yourself.