If you are the kind of person that is always searching for the thing that will fuel the flame inside you. If you are the kind of person who is constantly changing, trying new things, exploring new ventures, and ultimately forgetting about them soon after. If you always feel kind of “empty”, like something is missing in your life, and you desperately need to find it to be happy, whatever happy is;
This ones for you.
And well… For me too.
You see, I am that person. My life is spent searching the world for the thing that will fill my life with joy, fulfillment, happiness, and success. I’ve tried special effects makeup, poetry, mental health videos, vlogging, photography and now blogging. I’ve always wanted to be an entrepreneur, to make it on my own, and to be my own boss. But I am constantly changing. One week I could wake up and decide that blogging is for me. It’s the perfect outlet for my creative side. I will do this and only this and I will see success. Then a week later I could wake up and decide that blogging is all wrong and making YouTube videos is where it’s at. I am undecisive and I flip flop and I can’t stick with one thing. I make goals and then abandon them days later, I buy expensive planners only to sit at the bottom of a pile of books untouched, and I am a flake in all senses of the word.
But I want it so badly. I want that flame, that passion, that “thing” to fill the emptiness. The thing to make me feel like “me” again.
If you feel anything like I do, know that I get it. It sucks. Having both so much motivation, yet also so little. Wanting so badly to feel fulfilled in your life and happy with every decision you make, yet waking up, following the routine, and losing yet another day to the monotony of your life.
I know all the right things to say. “Life is short, why spend it doing something that doesn’t align with your soul?”. Or, “Make a goal, stick to it, and you will see success in the future.” Or, “The emptiness you feel is necessary for you to constantly learn, move forward, and look for the things that truly matter.”
See, I know what I would say to other people in this situation, but to myself? I’m at a loss for words.
Lately I don’t feel like myself. I feel like some person who is pretending to be me, and going to work for me, and buying groceries for me, and walking, talking and breathing for me. I feel like I am being portrayed by some lifetime actress who doesn’t even look like me. I feel like any passions, goals, wishes are gone and what is in it’s place is, well, nothing. The desire to have passions, the desire to have desires, but that’s it.
I know I can’t be alone, and because of that, this ones for US.
We can be undecisive. We can change like the phases of the moon. We can buy those damn planners and abandon them. But we can also find success. We are the ones in control. For the ones who don’t feel like themselves, for the ones who feel like they’re empty. You’re not alone. You’re not even close to it. If you really think about it, it feels awful to feel like you’ve lost a piece of yourself. It feels horrible to feel like nothing can fill that emptiness inside you. But what if we flip it on it’s head? What if we treat it like a challenge?
Okay, nothing is fulfilling us. We feel like our job, our friends, our living situation isn’t what we planned. It isn’t what we dreamed of when we were lying in our bed in our parent’s house building scenarios of our ideal life. Think of what that was. Was it making it on your own working any job that could get you out of your parent’s house? Was it living your best life going for jogs at sunrise, working from home, and finding a partner? Whatever it was, compare it to what you are living right now in this moment.
What changed? We sure didn’t. At the core, we have the same beating heart. We have the same smile, so why has it disappeared?
This is the time when we need to do some serious soul searching, guys. I know, I know. Unpacking all that shit that we have stored away is the worst. But it is necessary. Why don’t we feel like ourselves? What is it exactly that we were then, that we aren’t now? Is it something we want to return to? Is it something we CAN return to? We need to find what is missing, find what we wish we could be, and challenge ourselves to become what makes us happy.
I’m not telling you to change yourself to be what you think will make you happy, I’m telling you, I’m telling me, to find what we lost, to find that flame inside us and reignite it. To find what we lost along the road that helped us dream, make goals, and work hard to achieve them.
I am challenging everyone reading this that feels the way I do, to make a goal today. It can’t have anything to do with work unless you are lucky enough to have your job and your passion be one.
It could be writing a piece of poetry each day or even just listening to music that inspires you every morning. It could be helping someone any chance you get or cooking a new meal this week. I am challenging everyone to find their passion again. Find what it was that once gave you the fulfillment that you lost. And maybe in the process, you will find you again too.