I’ve always been a firm believer of doing what makes you happy. I still am. However, I know it’s much easier said than done.
In a perfect world, I would be working from home. I would get up early, make a coffee, and sit at my computer either blogging or writing. I would take a break for lunch and cook a nutritious meal before maybe taking a stroll around the neighbourhood. After working for a few more hours I’d tidy up the house and wait for my boyfriend to come home and make dinner.
But instead, I spend my days sleeping in til noon because I just don’t want to start my day. I roll out of bed and spend my morning crying or panicking or just staring at a wall before getting ready for work. I walk half an hour to get to a place I hate. The next 8 hours consists of me constantly tensing up and panicking, knowing at any moment, shit could hit the fan. I come home at midnight, and toss and turn all night knowing I have to do it again.
Doing what makes you happy is the ultimate goal, but it is so much more unrealistic than people care to talk about. I never thought I would spend my twenties like this. I was constantly told to do what made me happy and I thought making other people happy would do that, but it’s not.
So I am going to try to do what makes me happy. In the next blog posts I will be talking about what I’m doing to get there. Will I quit my job to focus on school? I don’t even know. How will I get out of this rutt. I don’t know that either. I don’t know anything, except that I’m not doing what makes me happy, and I want to be.