Am I ready?
I have gone through a lot at my current job. I started as an unpaid student, then worked casually, went up to full time, burnt out, went down to part time, back up to full time, went out on stress leave, then went back down to casual. I have been verbally, physically, emotionally assaulted more times than I could count. I have shed tears both out of sadness, and anger. I have told my co-workers I wanted out, and that I would never come back.
So why am I applying for a part time position?
When I told my coworkers yesterday, one asked a question
“Do you think you are mentally stable enough to come back?”
I don’t know. I really don’t. I know I don’t work well under pressure, and I’m starting school in a month. We’re getting a new resident which always mixes up the routine and causes more chaos in the house. I’d like to believe that I can do it. I’d like to think I can be successful at this because I have been so many times in the past. But I’m nervous. Nervous I will fail again, nervous I will sink into another depression. But I need to try. As much as money is a taboo, it’s not possible to live off of one income. And the amount I’ve been working isn’t really helping much. We’d like to think that money can’t buy happiness, and that it’s more important to be happy and mentally stable than to be focusing on monetary gains. But when you can’t afford rent or food, it’s hard to be happy. Eventually I’d like to branch off from this field, because I definitely can’t see myself being here forever. But for now, it’s what I know. And as much as I tell myself I’m not, I’m good at this. So this is what I’ll do. Am I ready? I don’t know, will I ever be?